Truths for Mature Humans

Guidelines for us over 40:

 
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24.  The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.

Mr. Nice Guy

I decided to give Mr. Nice Guy another try, and met him for dinner today.  Of course I made the mistake of telling my girlfriends about when and where I was meeting him.  What do they do?  They show up in the restaurant to get a good look at him so they can give me their honest opinion of him....

I am mid-sentence as I look up and see my two girlfriends and the one's dad following the hostess to a table right behind ours. Somehow he did not notice the rolling eyes and perplexed look on my face.  Later  I got up to go to the restroom, and one follows me in to see how my date is going, and to give me the "he looks like a nice guy".  Which he is, but my list of must haves was much longer than just "nice".

So Mr. Nice Guy and I finished our meal and went outside for a walk, when my phone beeps. I have a message from my friend's dad with a picture of himself and the text "I'm watching you".  At this time I am trying desperately to keep a straight face, but had to make a bad joke to give myself a reason to giggle.  And it didn't stop there.  It was cold, so we didn't stay out for long.  We went back to the restaurant where he had valet parked, and as we are getting in the car, the three of them come out the door, stumble over eachother in the door, turn around and go right back in.  Really, can you be any more obvious?  Yes they can - I later found out they also sat at their table pointing at me while we were having dinner.  

Somehow I made it through the evening without "blowing their cover".  But clearly none of them should quit their day jobs to pursue any type of investigative work...

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve, and I have had a great day with my kids and friends!  We ate well, we enjoyed a nice candle light service at the church. Then we opened presents, and then we ate some more!  Next year  I am definitely wearing elastic clothing!

Now the kids are in bed sound asleep, and waiting for the gifts from Santa.  We all know that gifts from family and friends are delivered to the house and opened while everyone is still awake, but Santa still comes over night and leaves goodies in the stockings and a usually very nice present under the tree.  This year, I decided mommy needed a gift too, so there will be one for me too under the tree, but I am hanging my stocking too, just in case.  On second thought, I think I am hanging a pair of pajama pants so Santa can leave what I really want!

I believe!!

May you all have a Merry Christmas!

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

There is not much chance of snow in our neighbourhood for Christmas, but what is better than having Robbie Williams singing about it? Here accompanied by a men's choir.  Enjoy! I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas .

I Believe!

It's that time of year!  I love Christmas with a passion!  I love decorating. I love finding the perfect gifts for friends, family and my kids. I love all the lights and decorations around the neighbourhood - even the tacky ones.  We laugh and say, "it's not Christmas until the snowman on the motorcycle is on top of the motor home", and long behold, when he was not in place this year, it didn't quite feel like Christmas until they did put him up.  I even love the masses of people in the malls.  Not so much hunting for a parking spot, but once inside, I love the business of the malls.. But what I love most, is what the Holiday times do to people.

I don't actually believe in Santa Claus - although I will admit that when I took my kids to Macy's to write their letter to Santa, I wrote one too....and my list got quite long, and it was as if I was 7 again (with the wishes of a much older girl) I totally got caught up in the moment.  And that is exactly what I love about this time of year.  As we hustle and bustle around town trying to be the perfect mom, wife, friend - whatever, the Holiday Spirit is still spreading.

My purse might be empty, but I will dig for that last dollar to give to a homeless man or a charity at the traffic light.  I will open the door for strangers, smile at screaming kids in the store, and feel compassion for the mothers toting them around town. I strike up conversations with total strangers in the store to get their input on my choice of color or style when buying gifts, and have had the same thing happen to me several times. It is like we are all out to  be the best givers, and getting some help from strangers is all of a sudden OK.

I feel total contentment in watching little kids going to see Santa with their biggest wishes for the year. The magic of their belief is so powerful, and adds such excitement to the Season. As we adults watch them, it is as if some of their magic spreads to us too.

My kids will have a fabulous Christmas, and get much more then they need.  But in the midst of them wishing for and wanting new toys, they too see the joy of giving.  And the only thing more precious than a home made gift from a child, with a self made and written card to go with it, is his proud look when presenting the gift, and the joy that spreads on his face when you love it!. That to me, sums up the meaning of the Holidays. 

It doesn't matter if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.  We all celebrate miracles.  Even if you don't believe in anything "unearthly", you are still celebrating the miracle of your family.  So as we finish our last minute shopping, cleaning, decorating and cooking - I hope you all keep the image of that proud young child in your mind.  Let that teach us all that Giving is the greatest gift of all.