Happy Halloween

OK, pretty corny, but still kind of funny.  Have a happy and safe Halloween!!

UCLA Streaker Faces Felony Charges

Streakers at football games is nothing new. However, I have never seen one quite like this one:

 

Jacen Lankow entered the stadium with a fake access pass wearing a  trainers outfit.  He entered the field blowing a whistle and trying to steal the game ball, before the referees realized he was not part of their team.

With all the attention on the streaker, pushing and shoving erupted among the players, causing a bench clearing brawl that has rendered 10 players suspended....bet they love Mr. Lankow.

Lankow was arrested and charged with criminal impersonation, a felony charge, and faces up to 18 months in jail - a little harsh for running around a football field in your underwear, don't you think?  Lankow, who is scheduled to graduate in December, is also facing disciplinary action from the University of Arizona, and could be expelled for the episode. 

He reportedly did this to boost his chances for getting on the reality show "Wipe Out", but stated in an interview with Jimmy Kimmel Live that he was not schedules for appearance on the reality show, and has not even applied. He just wanted a "last hurray" for his senior year and do something that had not been done before.

I guess he accomplished his goal then, and will have a great story to tell for years.  For his parents' sake, I hope the charges will be dropped or at least reduced, and that he will still graduate on schedule.

40+ and Fabulous

You know I have to read this one!!

Obviously I need some help in finding my own inner fab!  So who better than Sondra Wright to tell me how.  Can't wait!

"This book teaches you how to be vibrant and vivacious at any age. Learn from smart, sassy, dynamic women who are loving life into their 50s, 60s and later. Discover what they did when adversity snuck in and how they overcame it.

Let “40+ and Fabulous” be the catalyst to your best years. Imagine what your life will be like after incorporating the lessons in “40+ and Fabulous.” You can find the book on Amazon.

I follow her on Facebook, and love the "daily nuggets". Check out the 40+ and Fabulous page here.

Sex Eduation Controversy

Stemming from a rise in unplanned pregnancies and sexual transmitted diseases, the Bloomberg administration is now making sexual education compulsory for teenagers in New York City.  The program will be taught to middle school and high school students, and although abstinence will still be a big part of the program, they will now also learn about, and how to use birth control, appropriate age for sexual activity, how to protect themselves from unwanted sexual advances and how to avoid abusive relationships, according to Downtown Magazine NYC. 

Photo by Scottchan/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

NY Times reports that parents will be able to have their children opt out of the lessons on birth-control methods. City officials said that while there would be frank discussions with students as young as 11 on topics like anatomy, puberty, pregnancy and the risks of unprotected sex, the focus was to get students to wait until they were older to experiment. At the same time, knowing that many teenagers are sexually active, the administration wants to teach them about safe sex in the hopes of reducing pregnancy, disease and dropouts. 

However, some of the details surfacing about the program, such as the students having to visit a drug store to purchase condoms, map out routes to free clinics etc. has the NYC Parents' Choice Coalition speaking out against the program. According to CNN, the group is urging parents to opt their children out of sexual education classes and demand that a more abstinence driven alternative be taught instead. My hope is they will not be able to do so.

I thought the abstinence "education" was ridiculous when they first introduced it, and luckily, since then, things have changed, and schools in several states are teaching students more in line with reality.  Do not get me wrong, I certainly hope that continuous teaching of abstinence has an impact, and that more teenagers will feel it is OK to wait; however, for the ones that don't (and be honest, how old were you your first time?), I find it so important that they know how to protect themselves not only from unwanted pregnancies, but also from STD's.

As parents we can certainly say we will teach the children this ourselves as we see fit; problem is, we tend to think of our children as just that, children, for much longer than they are.  When mine had to go through their school's sexual education last year, they weren't really keen on it, finding it somewhat embarrassing. But when I gave them the choice to either learn it in school or sit down with me, the choice was clear. This was not something they wanted me involved in.  Although, luckily they do think it is OK to come to me with questions.

As much as we might tell them we are available, and they can talk to us about anything, there are so many things our children will never discuss with us. Thankfully having these programs in school, they will at least know how to protect themselves physically; then maybe we as parents can work on the emotional aspect of it, and also reiterate the importance of waiting till one is older and responsible enough to actually be sexually active.

The Pity Party Is Over!

After a relaxing day with a good book, hot tea and sunny skies outside, I spent Saturday night reflecting on my current situation, past (now obvious) mistakes, and oh so many destructive patterns I have chosen through the years. By the end of the night, I was having quite the pity party, because sadly, I still manage to make choices and accept behavior that does nothing but break down my self respect and renders me in a state of mind far from where I want to be. Worse is I can't blame anyone but myself.

 I continue to push away those who might bring some positive influence to my life, refuse to take advice from well meaning friends - because I don't think I need it, and I certainly didn't ask for it, and welcome those who only upset the balance of my life, and cause heartache and frustration. As I continue my "transformation to fabulous", watch what I eat and work out, it might be time to also take a good look at my emotional self, my self image and start living up to the standards I say I find acceptable in my life.

I never saw myself as the "pushover"; although my upbringing in which I learned to include everyone, to stand up for those who needed it, be a good friend and so on, has at times made it difficult to say no in fear of hurting a friend's feelings. Even so, I have never felt used by anyone close to me, and in my professional life, I have with exception of one job, had nothing but good relations with coworkers and managers. I continue living by the Golden Rule, and try my best to treat others the way I want to be treated. When at times I feel like I do much more for others than I get in return, I figure it will come back to me in time. Karma always works its way.  However, in my romantic relationships, the story seems quite different. What a surprise, huh?

Photo by Salvatore Vuono/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I would like to blame my relationship issues on my marriage, but that would be lying to myself. I had issues long before I got married, and my marriage was filled with more good than bad, at least for the first decade.

After my marriage failed, I was so thrilled with my new found freedom, I definitely went about things wrong. But at the time I was not looking for anything but fun either. I started dating a very handsome man, but had already decided to move quite far away, so for me it was just a fling. However I thoroughly enjoyed being treated like a princess, so I waited a couple of months to tell him. As he kept talking about wanting to settle down, I wondered how to break the news I was moving and still hold on to my "boy toy" until I left (and yes, I can hear how bad that sounds...). 

As time passed, I think I was looking for a more long term relationship, although I would never admit it. I was very happily single, handling every aspect of my life quite well without someone else meddling in my business - I didn't need anybody to share any responsibilities with, didn't need anyone to "take care of me", and I certainly didn't need to take care of anyone else. It was with that attitude I entered into my next relationship. Not quite intentionally, it just kind of happened. We dated for months, and I spent almost all my free time with him, which was very enjoyable considering he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met.  I introduced him to both my kids and my friends, yet I cannot recall ever referring to him as my boyfriend.  He never  got out of the "some guy I'm dating" status. I don't think I even ever told him I liked him - I figured he knew. Did I acquire the girlfriend status? Maybe. I never asked. I know that is what his friends referred to me as, but it wasn't that important. 

With such seemingly little enthusiasm about this whole relationship, you would think I could care less if it lasted or not.  Surprisingly not so. When it ended quite abruptly, I was so hurt, I shunned the male species for well over a year. And I spent countless hours doing the moron analysis of the "breakup", not the relationship...don't ask. For a while I was convinced it was my forgetting his birthday that must have caused it. Then I blamed it on something my girlfriend told him.  There was of course nothing wrong with me or my behavior. (Feel free to roll your eyes right along with me...)

Fast forward a while (let's not focus on exactly how long), and Ms. Pink is ready to reenter the dating world.  I had watched my girlfriend go wholeheartedly into the "task" of finding a suitable mate. She was now happily engaged, and I though there might be a slim chance there was someone out there for me too. I just wasn't willing to use the same means as her (read internet dating...), but figured the old fashioned way of actually meeting people face to face might still work.

I got lucky. I met this great guy. Fell head over heals for him, but quite obviously I had not learned anything from my previous failed attempts. There was one big difference though. Where I never had to fight for attention before, this one was awfully popular, and I was so eager to "win the prize", I all of a sudden accepted not always being treated as well as I thought I deserved. For a while. Then I decided I wanted it to be more or not at all, and sent him a completely irrational email in the middle of the night (where is that app that stop those late night emails and texts...??).

Long story short - he ran, but no so very far. We stayed in touch, met occasionally, talked on the phone, chatted and text flirted all at a safe distance until recently. Somehow I just put on the blinders and charged ahead, all the time knowing I probably will get hurt or end up with a bruised ego, and again without being able to blame anyone but myself. This is where my pity party started.  

Knowing very clearly what I want, and at the same time being fully aware that this is probably not where I will find it, is one thing. Reducing myself to being treated as a slut is quite another.  If you have read my blog for a while, you are probably aware of my feminist side, seeing most women as strong independent persons, and finding it quite acceptable for women to take the same approach to dating as men do (see Are You Dating Material or Just Dick). So even though I refer to "boy toy" above, and admittedly have not always been straight forward with my intentions in relationships, I still treat them with respect. At least I think I have, and I expect the same back.

It took quite the lonely pity party to finally convince myself that I am the only one who can make changes in my life.  As Elanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"...and I guess silence is a sign of consent, thus allowing others to make me feel less worthy. Somehow it seems so much easier to speak up for others than for myself, but that needs to change. So pity party is over. and I am back to being the confident, strong woman I describe myself as (still with a few loops of insecurity, but that's a work in progress!). 

Photo by Salvatore Vuono/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Once I decided things needed to change, it was like I finally saw the signs all around me. Funny how that is. Once you are open to hearing what others have to say, they tell you exactly what you need to hear. And everywhere I looked yesterday; at church, in my books, even on Facebook I was finding affirmations of my decision to make changes. Kind of made me feel like everyone had been watching and waiting for me to wake up and smell the coffee. Guess I did.  And frankly, it was quite the relief to know I don't have to depend on anyone else to change. It is all in me.

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time. ~Anna Freud