His Name is Fred!

I don't mind that other women are happily married.  But is is necessary to rub it in?

I went to a meeting for one of my children's activities, run by a married couple.  They're both very nice, but the wife apparently can never remember her husband's name.  For half an hour I listened to her speak, and every time she mentioned something he is responsible for, owns or is involved in, it was the "my husband" this and "my husband" that.  Not once did she say his name, he or his or any other possible description.

As I was getting more and more aware of her "my husband" and feeling that she was just rubbing it in to the rest of us that don't have a husband, a boyfriend, or are barely dating, I just wanted to scream: "His name is Fred!  Use the poor man's name!  We know he is your husband.  None of us want him, he is all yours, but  for God's sake, his name is Fred!"

Fortunately for once, I thought before speaking, and remained silent. They already think I'm kind of weird, I guess I didn't need to confirm it.

Instead I started picking the happy married couple apart.  In my mind, of course.  But after finding all their faults; she is fat, has no fashion sense, needs new skin care - and please put on some make up! And she tells really bad jokes.  He is way too skinny, needs a haircut badly, and really needs new pants that actually covers his ankles. Then I imagined them having a nice romantic dinner at home - her eating all the food and him getting just a little portion on his plate; just enough to keep him going.  Add a couple of bottles of wine, and voila, there's a comedy show in the making - at least in my mind.

My imagination took off a little, and I found it so funny I started giggling out loud. All of a sudden, I had the eyes of the whole group on me.  Apparently it was really bad timing for my giggling session.  "No ma'am, I agree, there is nothing funny about sexual predators."

So much for not confirming weird...

Husband Store

  I got a good laugh when this ended up in my email. Hope you do too.

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City just in time for Christmas, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
 
  You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
 
  So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
 
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
 
  

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
  

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
 
  

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
 
 

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
 
  

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
 
 
 

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
 
 
 

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
   
 

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
 
  
 

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
 
 
 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
 
 
  Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
 
 
  

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
 
 
 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
 

PLEASE NOTE:
 

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
 
 
 

The first floor has wives that love sex.
 
 
 

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
 
 

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.