They're THAT Big?!?

Yet again, I had the pleasure of embarrassing the crap out of my kids. That is the one reward we get as parents living with preteens and teenagers.  No matter how hard you try, you will not be a cool parent, so might as well get the most joy out of the embarrassing moments. 

I am not a pet person.  God love the people who wants to fill their homes with cats and dogs and every other creature....and actually take care of them.  I, on the other hand, would like no more than a clean house that actually stayed clean for more than a half hour, where everything is in its place and there are no funky smells from anyone or anything living here.  My kids however, if allowed to, would have a dog, a cat, a hamster, a ferret, birds, mice, a turtle, an aquarium, and the list goes on and on....since I refuse to pay for any of it, and we have a severe lack of space for more than ourselves, the pet collection is so far pretty slim (Thank God!!). That doesn't stop them from wanting to visit the pet store every single day so they can plot and plan for their next buy.  

So the other day, we stopped in one of the pet supermarkets so they could "just take a quick look at the animals".  Generous as I am, I gave them five minutes to fill the pet void.  As I am wondering around looking at all the animals that I am so grateful are not living in my house, a rat caught my eye.  First I thought it was giving birth, so I call my son over to check this out.  Then I figured out nothing was actually coming out of his body, so I decided it must be sick....I mean, what is that thing?  After diagnosing the poor rat with cancer (what else would leave such a large lump?), I discovered one of the other rats had it too.  My poor son is trying to give me a better explanation, but oh no. I had to confirm my suspicion and called over one of the store clerks.  

She gave me a blank stare as I asked what was wrong with their bottoms...."uh, ma'am, that's a male...see there's two of those?  It's his testicles....."  Most would probably have turned away slightly embarrassed, but not me.  "What?!?  That's his testicles?  They're that big?  Geez, I thought it was a tumor..." I exclaimed loudly enough for the whole dog obedience class to hear behind me, and apparently peak some of their interest enough to have a look at the mega-size testicles too.  "Are they all like this?" I continued as I went from cage to cage to inspect the bottoms of the other rodents.  Apparently they were all female, or were at least not given balls the size of their heads... 

The store clerk had quickly removed herself from my side, and as I turned to make a comment to my kids about my discovery, I found, so had they.  Apparently discussing testicle sizes with their mom, is not a favorite subject for preteens. Who knew? I saw their heads bopping down behind the next row of shelves, and as I came around and informed them time was up, they scurried out the door before anyone else could see they were with me. I am thinking it will be a while before they decide to ask me to take them to the pet store again...hmm, what a loss...