A Month of Awareness

It's good to raise awareness, but with  12 months in the year, I find it a little hard to focus on three major issues all in one month.  Nonetheless, they are all worth being aware of, and doing something about, so here we go. 

Breast Cancer.

Need I say more?  We all either have experienced dealing with breast cancer, or know someone who has.  1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. I find it so sad, that so many loose their battle with breast cancer, when this is one cancer that is almost 100% curable, if caught early enough. Early detection remains the key. Get your mammograms done regularly.  Do your self exam monthly.  Report any changes to your health professional. Better safe than sorry!

There is a wealth of information on line regarding breast cancer, exam options and treatment; Susan G. Komen, NBCC, American Cancer Society are some. Most importantly though, I find, is the continued work for a cure.  Please continue donating to the organizations that work so hard to get us there!

Bullying Prevention

According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN),  "bullying can be verbal, physical, or via the Internet. It can severely affect the victim's self-image, social interactions, and school performance, often leading to insecurity, lack of self-esteem, and depression in adulthood. School dropout rates and absences among victims of bullying are much higher than among other students.

Studies have shown that children who have been identified as a bully by age eight are six times more likely to have a criminal conviction by age 24. Children who are bullies may continue to be bullies as adults, and are more prone to becoming child and spouse abusers."

As a parent, I find it my duty to make sure my children do not engage in any form of bullying, and that they learn to stand up for those who are victims. We cannot rely on school personnel to do this. It is our job as parents to teach our kids tolerance and decency in their dealings with others. Let's make sure we all do our part!  For more information, NCTSN has a listing of resources for preteens/teens, parents, health professionals, school personnel and law enforcement personnel here.  I would also encourage you to stop by a Facebook Page; Stop Bullying: Speak Up! both to sign the pledge to stop bullying and for more information on what you can do.

And last, but not least; Domestic Violence

 It is almost sad that this is still such a major problem, that we need a whole month dedicated to the awareness of it, and another toward teen dating abuse. But fact is, thousands of women and children live every day in fear. Sadly, no one is better at hiding the symptoms of abuse, than the victims themselves. If the awareness month does nothing else but get the message out to the victims that being abused is not their fault, and they do not deserve it, then much has been accomplished. 

What more can we do?  Again, there is a wealth of information on line.  Break the Cycle is one of the organizations that work diligently to end domestic abuse, prevent teen dating abuse and create healthy relationships. You can find more information about them here. 

Besides joining this group, or any other organization that works to end domestic violence, I think these are our main responsibilities:

1. Don't be blind towards symptoms of abuse in your own circle of friends and/or family - and dare to speak up when you see it.  
2. Teach our children that it is never OK to hit/slap/push or mistreat in any other way their girlfriend/boyfriend - or to be treated that way. No one who loves you, mistreats you in that manner. 

Although very different issues, the one thing we can do with regards to all three topics, is care for one another.  Encourage your friends/family members to get their exams, and be there for those who are battling cancer. Stand up against bullying and teach your children to do the same. And lastly, never accept abuse - not towards yourself, not towards your children, not towards your friends and family. When you see or suspect it, help them get help! 

Keeping the Faith

Happy Sunday Morning!

It's been hectic around here lately, which often turns in to stress, which again turns in to arguments and disagreements causing our home to not be a very pleasant place. Then when things don't go the way they are supposed to, and it feels like our lives are completely out of whack, it's hard to keep the faith that "everything will turn out OK".  That's when cute little stories in my inbox are welcomed.  This one, I found worth sharing on this beautiful Sunday. 

NEED WASHING? 

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom. She must have been about 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout... We all stood there, just inside the door of the mall. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. 

I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day. 

Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, 'Mom let's run through the rain,'  She said.  'What?' Mom asked.  'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated. 'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied. 

This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain...'  'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.  'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.  'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?'  'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ' If God can get us through this, He can get us through anything! '  The entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. 

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith. 

 'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said. Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked.  They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did.  I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
 

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.
 

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. 

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

Growing Up Is Overrated

Remember when you were young and couldn't wait to grow up?  Finally get to the age where you could make all your own decisions, manage your own money, do what you wanted when you wanted without anyone telling you you couldn't? Yeah well, I take it back...or at least give me a rewind button for a redo of the last few years. No one said it would  be this complicated.

As a child, I think I got angry enough at my parents to run away only once.  That lasted about an hour and a half before living outside in the cold and rain didn't seem so appealing anymore. I don't think they even noticed I was gone before I decided to turn back.

 Last week, having another downer day as everything seemed to be falling apart (again), I wondered how far I could get this time....not really, but it struck me odd that at the age of forty-something, my "escape" would be discovered far more quickly than when I was a child, and that this time, even if I was only gone for a few hours, the repercussions would be much more severe....didn't we use to think growing up brought freedom to our lives?  Someone lied about how great adulthood was!

It's not my life in general I want to escape from (only very occasionally is this the case...).  I would just like to be able to solve some of life's many problems, preferably without it causing new ones. That can't possibly be too much to ask?  Well, maybe my approach to "solving problems" is more of the "easy way out". They might be clever solutions, but the results are about the same as when treating a broken bone with a band-aid...

So off we go to actually tackle these problems head on, and find real solutions.  Yeah me!  Although winning the lottery would solve a lot of them, so let me start with getting a few (hopefully) winning tickets...hey, don't judge...

How To Avoid Shopping With Your Wife...

Do you hate having to spend time waiting for your wife/significant other to browse her way through the stores?  This guy found some clever ways to avoid ever having to do so again.  Read and learn: 

RETIRED HUSBAND
 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. 

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Ward ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Ward , are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? 
16. And last, but not least: October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Could be fun to try some of these just to see the reactions :-)

Reactions from Snooki's Baby....

I guess congratulations is in order for Snooki and her fiance, Jionni Lavalle, having welcomed their son, Lorenzo Dominic to the world. 

Here's what I imagine their son's reaction was when he found out his mom was Snooki:

At least I am happy to read that the rumors of Snooki saying she would not change dirty diapers when her son was born, were false. Wishing little Lorenzo the best....

Mommy Needs to Get Laid

Kids say the darndest things!  Here's the latest one from my daughter:

She was chatting with her aunt on Facebook and her aunt asked if she had signed up for gymnastics yet. My daughter had just asked me if I had looked in to this for her, and I told her I had to wait till I got my next paycheck before I signed her up. So my daughter writes:

"No I haven't signed up yet.  My mom needs to get laid or lucky first"

Here I believed I was the only one who thought it was about time....

Now mind you, this is my ex's sister she is writing this to. God knows what she is thinking about me and how things work around here anymore.

Unfortunately for my daughter, if that is what she is waiting for, sadly I think it will  be a while before she starts gymnastics....

Akin joins the ranks of dumb and dumber...

Is nothing too stupid for politicians to say?  Learning of Rep. Todd Akin's ludicrous remark that  "First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy after rape] is really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." I am guessing not. The utter idiocy of the remark is beyond belief. 

Basing his opinion on Dr. John C Wilkins statements that “This is a traumatic thing — she’s, shall we say, she’s uptight,” Dr. Willke said of a woman being raped, adding, “She is frightened, tight, and so on. And sperm, if deposited in her vagina, are less likely to be able to fertilize. The tubes are spastic.”seems ridiculous when experts time and time again has shot down this theory, and statistics show that 32,000 pregnancies are caused by rape every year. (Source NY Times and CNN)

Thankfully Dr. Wilkins is now 87 years old, and I assume, no longer seeing patients. God help the ones he has treated over the years if he has practiced all medicine with the same kind of quack theories!  I wonder though, if he would ever testify to this in court as a defense in a rape case.  "No, ma'am, she is pregnant, so there is no way this was a legitimate rape."

Do we still need to argue that the Republican party has waged "War on Women"? It seems every week they come up with something else that would take us back to the 1950's...but Mr. Akin is just over the top stupid with this comment. I also find that he completely lacks understanding of a rape victim's state of mind, and compassion for what she would go through if forced to carry out a pregnancy caused by a rape. He has spent most of the last couple of days retracting his statement and claiming to have great empathy for the victims. I don't buy it. If that was true, he would not have made the remark in the first place. 

So of course I wonder; how can anyone trust him to make sounds decisions about anything when he so clearly is not in touch with reality on this issue? I guess all we can hope for, is that the voters will use their votes more intelligently than Rep. Akin uses his voice.

No, Penis Is Not Attractive!

As I continue on my dating adventures, the things that some times come out of my mouth surprise even me... Apparently when I passed 40, that little barrier in your brain that stops certain thoughts from actually being formed in to sounds coming out of your mouth, completely malfunctioned. My new motto is "say what you mean, and mean what you say." Not such a bad motto to live by. At least not until your date conversation turns in to "penis is not attractive." 

How the hell did that happen? I am not sure how I managed to turn the conversation from "which features do you find most attractive in a woman" to "penis is not attractive", but I did. At least I added the physical features I do like in a man first, but I am sadly afraid the latter part of that conversation overshadowed any of those. 

 Not that I don't actually mean it.  I didn't say I don't like it, or that I can't find a whole lot of pleasure in one, but not from looking at it. However, even I see that it may not be the best conversation piece on a date....poor guy.  I think I gave him such a penis complex, the chance of him actually ever letting me see it, is slim to none...and so we go on, living and learning. When to shut up seems to be the hardest lesson to ever learn though, but I'll get there. Probably not any time soon, but some time!

RIP Rodney King

We didn't know him.  He never did anything spectacular with his life. Yet, everyone in the US, and I believe in most of the Western world, knew his name. The man whose brutal beating by the LAPD  in March 1991, was captured on video and seen all over the world.  The following year, the acquittal of three of the officers involved and a hung jury on the fourth, sparked the infamous riots in Los Angeles in 1992.  As I saw the news of Mr. King's death yesterday, it made me reflect on these events.

Fairly new to the country at the time,  I was shocked to see police officers act the way they did in the video of the beating of Mr. King. These men did anything but keep their promise to uphold the law and serve the public; an utter disgrace to their badge! Later, the news stories from the riots was an eyeopening event to watch unfold, and a tell tale of the still deep rooted racism and social differences in this country. I thought of it as America's dirty laundry on full display for the world to see. Sadly, 53 people lost their lives and many more were injured as whole neighborhoods were burned to the ground. As many others, I watched it in disbelief, and just hoped it would not spread beyond the city of Los Angeles.

20 years later, CNN caught up with Rodney King in their special "Race and Rage" that aired last year. Again, seeing the footage from 1991 and the riots in 1992, all while Mr. King took us back to those terrifying moments, was still shocking. However, Mr. King looked good, and I thought that even though the men who did beat him were not punished, he was compensated for his suffering, and the events definitely did bring some important issues to light. The question is, has anything really changed?

Since 1991, there has been numerous reports of police beatings all over the country; and as technology has become better, and cellphones now are in everyone's pockets, more and more have been caught on camera.  That should obviously be a deterrent for the police officers, shouldn't it?  Maybe, but is that a solution? I say not. Because if the attitudes are still there, the misconceptions and deep seated racism, unfair, and at times unlawful treatment will continue. Without changing our preconceptions based on someone's skin color, nothing will ever change. 

As a mother I work very hard on instilling good values in my children. We talk very openly about racism, wrongful preconceptions, that color never matters, and that there are good and bad people of every race. It is OK to dislike others and not want to be friends with someone, but not based on their color. However,  I have to acknowledge that racism definitely goes both ways. In order for anything to change, every race has to show tolerance and respect for others, not just expect it for themselves. 

As Rodney King's name is in the headlines yet again, I can't help but wish that all he went through that dark March night in 1991, should not be in vain. We may not owe it to him, but we owe it to ourselves to make the changes necessary to not see a repeat of those events.

Keeping the Faith

After having a bit of a downer day today, I ran across a very enlightening article.  Funny how that is; when you need it the most, someone you have never even heard of, says exactly what you needed to hear. 

I classify myself as Christian, but think I have my own quite free interpretation of the Bible. I believe in God, and although I don't attend church on a regular basis, I am very spiritual, and also a true believer in Karma.  Therefore, I do my best to live by the Golden Rule, and treat others how I want to be treated. So then everything should be good, right?  No, not so much.  

In a recent phone conversation (read argument) with my ex, he told me "Karma's a bitch", and I kinda laughed at it,  and told my friends that he should be the one worried, not me. Well, things haven't exactly gone as planned around here, and I have questioned why, when I try so hard to  be good, do bad things happen?

That is exactly what this article spoke about. It referred to the Book of Job in the Bible; the story of Job, who is a righteous and very prosperous man. He does everything according to the book, but as his character and faith in God is being tested; he loses all his possessions, his children are killed, and he is left with nothing. Yet he does not curse God. Instead he endures every test, and still praises the Lord. In the end, Job's health is restored, and he gets a second family and twice the amount of live stock (the story, which I had heard, but never read before, was actually a good read). 

My first thought was that this story was written to show that no matter how bad your situation is, someone else is worse off. But that is not the point.  There will always be someone who has less or endures more pain or hardship than I ever will. The question is, can I keep my integrity in tact even during hard times? Can I find something to be appreciative of, and trust in God even when my life seems to be falling completely apart? And, can I find that certainty in my heart, that living by the Golden Rule, in the end, will always pay off? That's the hard one. There has been quite a few why's and what's coming out of my mouth lately.  "Why does this happen to me?"  "Why can't I seem to get it together to succeed?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "Why can't things ever go the way they are supposed to?" and so on and so forth.

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The article answered those questions by going back to Job.  How no matter what happened, his integrity remained in tact, and he continued to stand up for his rights through it all.  As must we do.  Loosely translated it said, "Every day, man must stand up and fight against their own debasement. When it is at the darkest, we see it best.  In the night a new day is created."

I have learned not to ask "could it get any worse?" because time and time again, the answer has been a loud and clear "yes".  However, there is not a whole lot more walls to tear down around here, and I am praying that this is "the darkest".  It is time to create a new day.

Letting the Bitch Out

I try.  I really do try to be good and nice, do the right things, be a good role model for my kids, a good friend and all that. But seriously, sometimes I really just want to be like the B in Apartment 23.

Acting like Chloe in the TV show, with a whole lot more "me-attitude" than I have ever had, sounds quite nice actually. Maybe not as extreme as her, but it could certainly be refreshing to just do whatever I would like without having to worry about how it may affect anyone else.

Finagle my way around having to do housework or take care of any other responsibilities. Get what I wanted from people without having to give anything of myself.  Have what I want without really having to work for it; do what I want, when I want to...yep, I think I could get used to it.  So much so, that I actually gave some thought to what I would do if I just left my inner bitch in charge for a while.

Sadly (or maybe not), I don't have it in me. Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel.  If I ever have to confess to all the things I am not so proud of, the person listening better have some time on his hands. But my spouts of bitchiness never lasts long. Usually just long enough for me to do something stupid that Karma gets wind of, and smacks me upside the head with. Never works, which really tends to piss me off, because when I am nice; do what I am "supposed" to, and treat others like I want to be treated, there seems to be quite a few that stay out of Karma's radar....there should really be a report button.

Now that dropping the kids off at the dad's house with a "handle it" is not really an option; neither is my few week road trip all by myself (that is where the bitch inside was really going to get full control) to "find myself", nor my rather dark moment thoughts of messing with people's relationships because they just are not right for each other (who the hell am I to decide?) or any other great ideas stemming from the inner bitch.  I guess in the long run, being good and nice and all that, really is what pays off.  So on this Monday morning,  I'm giving it a new try. Here's to a great week!  Hopefully Karma is paying attention this time.

Thank You!

A big Thank You to those who served our country, both present and past. 

All gave a little, some gave all.

Wishing you all a safe and happy Memorial Day!

Is 40 too Late to Reinvent Yourself?

Photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I love listening to children speak about all they are going to be and do when they grow up. They're going to be doctors and lawyers, superstars, Olympic champions, NFL and NBA players; they're going to climb the highest mountain, invent the coolest stuff, be the toughest soldier that ever lived.  They're going to live in the nicest house, have the fastest car, go on awesome vacations - and nothing is going to stop them.

On the quite opposite side is the 40+ crowd who show up for work each morning, hang out at the coffee machine to complain about their boss, a client or a coworker, or share more bad news about their personal lives.  The ones that seem to have a really pitiful life that they don't see any chance of ever changing, and who within a few minutes will manage to kill any hope you may have had of having a great day at work. 

The big difference?  Children have dreams.  The other crowd think it's too late to do anything about their miserable situation. They have given up, accepted their "destiny", and just go through the motions hoping they will make it to retirement so they can spend a few more years complaining before they die.  Luckily not everyone gives up.

Nobody is more refreshing, than someone who has something good to say about anyone, who despite going through hard times, finds something to be thankful for, and who sees the good in every situation.  I am not talking about the annoyingly, overly perky person, but rather that good to the bone, sincere one.  Those who make strangers feel welcome, and just spread joy with their attitude and gratitude.  I love those people!  That's who did not stop dreaming!  That is who I want to be.

I get up in the morning thinking today is a new chance to make good changes to my life. Today I have another chance to right some of the wrongs in my life, and take another step towards where I want to be. But I have learned not everyone does the same.  Apparently many think that because I have passed 40, it is time to "settle".  Settle for what?  Misery and mediocracy?  To many, having worked for so long in the same career, is the reason you should continue doing it.  Especially when you have passed 40. But I have to continue working for quite a few years still. Retirement is not right around the corner, so why on earth would I want to continue doing something that makes me miserable for that much longer?  With that attitude, I should have stayed in a bad marriage too - then my misery could have been complete. I could have joined the complainers in the break room and we could have had our daily pity party and just set the tone for the day....every miserable day....for the rest of my working life. I don't think so.  I refuse!

Instead I will continue to dream.  I will continue to think that I can do everything I set my mind to - even when there seems to be an enormous amount of obstacles to overcome and very little progress.  I will feed in to my kids' optimistic views of their futures and all that they are going to accomplish and list my dreams and goals right along with theirs.

And who really decided that forty-something is old?  We're barely halfway through our working years.  There is still time to become whatever one wants to; maybe with exception of supermodel and pop-star, but who knows, singing grandma's seem to be on the rise...

Jokes aside. Looking back at the first half of my own life, I realize I made a lot of mistakes; some worse than others, some that had a bigger impact than others, but making bad decisions in my younger years, does not mean I should spend the second half of my life just accepting that "this is the way it is". Instead, I will take advantage of every opportunity to make my life what I want it to be. Just to be clear, this is me growing up, and taking charge of my life.  Not me having a meltdown because I passed 40.  I have realized that life is too short to just go through the motions, that time is precious, and that I really should make the most of my life.

 I probably; no,  I guarantee I will make many more mistakes, but as long as I don't let that stop me, that is OK. The one thing I do not want, is to look  back at my life and regret that I let chances pass by, because I was too old to give it a try. To hell with that. I may fail miserably, but at least I gave it a shot. We live and learn, and mistakes usually makes the best stories. During my golden years, I want to be the one with the best stories!!

Obama's Political Gamble

I think the news of President Obama fully endorsing gay marriage, and thus showing that he believes every American should have the right to marry their partner, is great. However, where gay marriage is no longer an issue in many other western countries, it may not be the smartest political move in America. Time will show. 

Most certainly, he has guaranteed that social issues will be a part of the political campaign going forward. An honestly, I think we should all welcome that.  With such blatant attacks on established women's rights as we have seen this year, I love that this is now an added issue for the politicians to discuss and defend or oppose.  

If you have followed my blog, you probably know by now that I am a liberal to the core.  That doesn't mean I think anyone should just be given handouts without having to contribute. No, quite contrary, I believe that we all have the ability to work as hard as we need to, to take care of ourselves. However, the last few years have not been easy for many. And where we have bailed out banks and automobile companies, I certainly also think that individuals needs to be extended the same courtesy - obviously within given criteria.  In a rich (and even a not so rich) society, I believe we need to learn to take care of each other.  Healthcare and handouts aside though, the very least we all should have, in my opinion, are equal rights.  Marriage included.  Someone said, "If you oppose gay marriage, tell straight people to stop having gay kids".  And really, what is it that is so scary about allowing two people who love each other to get married? 

A friend of mine posted about this on his Facebook page, and I thought he said it much better than I could, so let me end with his words: 

"What I think Obama *should* say on gay marriage: This is a moot argument. Marriage is a religious institution, and we have separations of church and state for very good reasons. If a church doesn't want to marry a gay couple, that's their prerogative. You should try to find a church that does. But the state shall not and will not discriminate against someone because of whom they choose to cohabit. Civil union partners are spouses and they deserve the opportunity to share in whatever benefits we provide to "married" couples. It's not a matter of being for or against someone making a commitment, it's about defending the rights of every American to enjoy every opportunity this great country provides."

Missing Mom

As Mothers' Day is approaching, and we are bombarded with ads for flowers, and gifts, and spa treatments, and everything else under the sun that a mom might want, I find myself wishing I still had a mother to appreciate on that day.  Oh how I miss her!!

She has been gone for almost 10 years now, but every time I think of her, I find myself wishing I had shown her, and told her more often how much I loved her, and how much I truly appreciated everything she did for us. I still hope she knew.

Few women were as warmhearted and kind as my mom. As a nurse, she was well respected both among her coworkers and patients.  At her memorial service, one of the doctors revealed that patients felt so comfortable dealing with her, that if given the choice, they would rather confide in her and take her advice, than speaking to a doctor directly. She would go out of her way both professionally and personally to ensure people knew she cared.

 As a mother, she took her role even more serious.  We knew we were loved!! Money might have been tight, but we had everything we needed; most importantly, a tight knit family and lots of quality time with our parents. But she expected us to grow up as responsible, well behaved young ladies. Instead, she raised two very independent, strong headed girls who just wanted to do things our own way, and regarded her as the "uncool" mom for much longer than most. Although, she did remain the one we would seek advice from when things got a little tough.  I still wonder how she survived our teenage years.  As much as she denied it, I think she was happy we both chose to get our education too far away to remain living at home. But even then she was just a phone call away; ready to hear all about our day, tell us she missed us and give us updates on life at home.  All with that quiet, calm voice. How many times I have wished I inherited a bit more of her demeanor..

I think that is what I miss the most.  Her calmness, and her voice. She spoke so quietly. When we were home, my sister and I were the only two who could hear her, if she called us from the kitchen when we were on our way out the door. Our friends would look at us funny, as if we were hearing voices.  One friend once told me that when at the doctor's office, my mom was getting her ready, and asked my friend the standard questions, but with such a quiet voice, my friend stated "I leaned up and thought she was going to tell me a secret".  We teased her about that a million times, and also joked that the only reason she and my dad got along so well, was because he couldn't hear her half the time. 

As we grew to young adults, got married and settled down, she started bringing up the subject of grandchildren. She was so ready to  be a grandma! Unfortunately, none of her children were ready to be parents, so she had to wait quite a while. But when they finally arrived, they too got to experience her love for them. Her soothing voice, cuddling and playing with them, reading them stories and singing songs. You couldn't ask for a more perfect grandma!  Sadly, it only lasted a very short time, before she passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly. 

I was so angry when she died.  Angry at the paramedics who didn't revive her fast enough. Angry at the doctors who didn't heal her.  Angry at God for taking my mom away. Really?  Heaven was that short on angels? I stayed angry for quite long too.  So angry, I was of no support to anyone else around me who was also grieving the loss of her. Not at all what she would have wished for me to do,  but I couldn't help it.  I needed her, and she was no longer there. 

Even today, there are so many times I wish she was still here. But I have learned to cherish the memories of the years we had together, lessons taught and laughs shared. Although my children were too young to remember her, they too have learned to cherish her memory through my stories of how she loved them, and how much she adored spending time with them.  They look at pictures of themselves in her lap and know that she was the most special grandma they could have ever wished for, just as she was the best mother I could have ever wished for. Gone, but never forgotten!!

So on this Mothers' Day, if you are still lucky enough to have your mom in your life, show her, and tell her, how much you do love her!  You never know when it will  be too late.

Judge Rotenberg Educational Center: Please Stop Painful Electric Shocks on Your Students

I had no idea this kind of treatment still went on in this country, and feel compelled to share this petition.  There must be better ways to deal with children with special needs.  Seriously!  It is 2012. There must be better ways!  If my child was treated like this in school, I would sue the school district broke!!  So why should it be any different for a special needs child?

I hope you will view the video and sign the petition for this to end now.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

This is always a fun day! Break out the Corona and tequila and party on.... but before you do, see if you know more about the reason behind the celebration than I did (trust me, it wouldn't take much...)

Some fun facts from MSN. Click here for the quiz.

Have fun, be safe!

Prince Charming...or his brother

You might be tired of me talking about dating, or severe lack thereof, failed internet dating attempts and so on; and if so, feel free to skip this post, because I'm at it again.

I have actually managed to go out on a few first dates...yeah, that's as far as it got.  Not that there was anything wrong with these guys. Quite contrary, I guess they could all be considered a catch. So why did it stop there?  No sparks.  Simple as that.

From joe-ks.com

Yes, I have passed 40, and yes, I realize that I am (or at least should be) looking for different qualities in a man than when I was a teenager.  I don't expect the whole fireworks, but I want sparks.  I want that instant attraction.  Not just to his looks, but to the whole man; his demeanor, intelligence, sense of humor and so on.  I want that butterfly feeling just by hearing his voice.   The problem seems to be finding all that I want in one man.

Recently I connected with one man who really does give me the butterfly feeling when I hear his voice.  Problem is, I have not actually met him.  And I keep making excuses... We get a long awfully good on the phone.  You know how some people makes your knees weak just by looking at you?  Same thing. This guy just has it in the voice; and what he says and how he says them, just makes it better.

So what could possibly be wrong?  Well, my fear is, that I won't like him in person.  Then what? My whole fantasy man would be ruined, and honestly, at this point, fantasy man is kind of nice to have. On the other hand, he could actually be everything I think he is...or want him to be.  Guess there is only one way to find out. So if on Monday you hear me talking about men never being what you expect them to be...well, then  I guess my expectations may have been too high.

Chris Brown Selling Pitbull Puppies....

It wasn't like a needed another reason not to like him; no, I have not forgiven him for beating up Rhianna. Have you?  And now I like him even less!!  I am pretty sure he doesn't care that he's on my bad side, but I am (not so) secretely hoping that this will affect his popularity negatively....eventually Karma has to catch up with this guy too!

I guess singing with Pitbull wasn't enough for Chris Brown, he is now apparently also breeding Pit Bull puppies, which he so graciously is putting up for sale for $1,000 each. Why?  Does he not make enough money on his music career?  Has he never heard of animal shelters overflowing with needy animals? Or is it that he simply just doesn't care?

According to the Examiner.com, there is an epidemic of Pit bull breeding right now, combined with a deluge of unwanted Pit bulls being abandoned, given away for free on Craigslist, or surrendered to animal shelters.  Yet, here is my very least favorite "star" adding to the problem by breeding more.   I hope he doesn't sell a single one, and end up spending his precious money taking care of these poor animals. Next  I hope he hires a new PR team who has the sense to talk him out of doing any more idiotic stunts!

Monday Morning...

I haven't had much to say lately; or I guess, more correctly, haven't had much I wished to share.  The past few weeks, I've let life's little crisis get in the way of most, spending more  time being annoyed at incompetent customer service representatives, angry at people for not living up to my expectations, doubting my own abilities and so on and so forth...no use in spewing out the negative crap, so I chose to be silent instead. But what is it they say?   

"It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." Epictetus  

That line has rung true for centuries, and still is.  It's all in the attitude. I know you have heard me say it before, but I guess I needed a reminder (read attitude adjustment!) myself.

Photo by Kangshutters/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Some times life seems overbearing, but really, all one has to do is turn on the news to realize that things could be so much worse!  

My kids may  be loud and obnoxious, ungrateful at times, and definitely argumentative.  But they are alive and healthy, do well in school, have good friends, and I doubt, will ever be targeted as a "suspicious person" based on their looks by a neighborhood watch person, with the tragic consequences that has proven to have. I may not have a large family or a million friends, but my family is close; we all care about each others well being and enjoy each others company, and my friends I can count on to always be there for me when I need them as they can with me. I don't need to be Ms. Popular, I just need a few good women and men :-) I don't have the biggest house, but I have a place to call home. In these times, that should no longer be taken for granted.  

Yes, I want more out of life, and yes, I want to better myself and provide better for my children.  But in the mean time, I really try listening to my second favorite quote;  

"He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." Socrates

So here's to a happy Monday and a great week!!

9 Deadly Words Used by Women

I guess it's true.  We don't always say what we mean; or we mean something completely different than you think we do. So here to help the men decipher our "code", are nine deadly words and phrases used by women (study them!):

1. Fine This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes If she is getting dressed, this is a half hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes when you have been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 

3. Nothing This is the calm before the storm.  It means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing, usually end with fine. 

4. Go Ahead This is a dare, not a permission.  Don't do it!

5. Loud Sigh This is not actually a word,  but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. This means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing)

6. That's OK This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.  This means  she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 

7. Thanks A woman is thanking you. Do not question (or faint). Just say "you're welcome". Do not make the mistake of confusing this with "Thanks a lot" - that is pure sarcasm, and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say "you're welcome". That will bring on a "whatever". 

8. Whatever A woman's way of saying F*ck You! (My favorite phrase by the way...)

9. Don't Worry About It, I Got It Another dangerous statement meaning this is something a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself.  This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong?"  For the woman's response, refer to #3.

Well there you have it.  To spread peace and happiness, please share with your male friends.

They're THAT Big?!?

Yet again, I had the pleasure of embarrassing the crap out of my kids. That is the one reward we get as parents living with preteens and teenagers.  No matter how hard you try, you will not be a cool parent, so might as well get the most joy out of the embarrassing moments. 

I am not a pet person.  God love the people who wants to fill their homes with cats and dogs and every other creature....and actually take care of them.  I, on the other hand, would like no more than a clean house that actually stayed clean for more than a half hour, where everything is in its place and there are no funky smells from anyone or anything living here.  My kids however, if allowed to, would have a dog, a cat, a hamster, a ferret, birds, mice, a turtle, an aquarium, and the list goes on and on....since I refuse to pay for any of it, and we have a severe lack of space for more than ourselves, the pet collection is so far pretty slim (Thank God!!). That doesn't stop them from wanting to visit the pet store every single day so they can plot and plan for their next buy.  

So the other day, we stopped in one of the pet supermarkets so they could "just take a quick look at the animals".  Generous as I am, I gave them five minutes to fill the pet void.  As I am wondering around looking at all the animals that I am so grateful are not living in my house, a rat caught my eye.  First I thought it was giving birth, so I call my son over to check this out.  Then I figured out nothing was actually coming out of his body, so I decided it must be sick....I mean, what is that thing?  After diagnosing the poor rat with cancer (what else would leave such a large lump?), I discovered one of the other rats had it too.  My poor son is trying to give me a better explanation, but oh no. I had to confirm my suspicion and called over one of the store clerks.  

She gave me a blank stare as I asked what was wrong with their bottoms...."uh, ma'am, that's a male...see there's two of those?  It's his testicles....."  Most would probably have turned away slightly embarrassed, but not me.  "What?!?  That's his testicles?  They're that big?  Geez, I thought it was a tumor..." I exclaimed loudly enough for the whole dog obedience class to hear behind me, and apparently peak some of their interest enough to have a look at the mega-size testicles too.  "Are they all like this?" I continued as I went from cage to cage to inspect the bottoms of the other rodents.  Apparently they were all female, or were at least not given balls the size of their heads... 

The store clerk had quickly removed herself from my side, and as I turned to make a comment to my kids about my discovery, I found, so had they.  Apparently discussing testicle sizes with their mom, is not a favorite subject for preteens. Who knew? I saw their heads bopping down behind the next row of shelves, and as I came around and informed them time was up, they scurried out the door before anyone else could see they were with me. I am thinking it will be a while before they decide to ask me to take them to the pet store again...hmm, what a loss...

I Love My Life!!

I found it!!  After dropping the kids off at school,  I heard this song from the car next to me at a red light.  Loved it!  So much that I "stalked" the car so I could finish hearing the song....with my beautiful morning look, I'm pretty sure she was getting a bit scared by the third verse, but I love the message.

So here it is.  I too love my life, with all it's obstacles and rewards, ups and downs. Memories created by both good and bad decisions. And of course, my friends and family - and more than anything, my children. We never know what tomorrow will bring, so listen and take it in.  Live your life today!

April Fools

A little late in the day, but better late than never...

It's always fun to fool somebody on this day, especially the kids.  I got them good last year when I told them their spring break got canceled because their cousin was sick...unfortunately the "April Fools" came a little too late, and both were crying their eyes out before I got that far.  I still got a good laugh, but somehow they didn't think it was so funny.  Then, as my son was in the bathroom, I screamed and yelled for him to "kill it!!!" acting like a big bug crawled under the door.  The other one, who did not see any bug, but knows how they freak me out, chimed in and screamed even louder than me.  Poor guy!  I opened the door, and he was sitting with both feet planted on top of the toilet seat while screaming and looking for the monster bug...they didn't find that one amusing either,  but again, I got a good laugh. 

Well, payback's a bitch! As we went out for a "family fun Sunday", we're driving along, talking and singing along to the radio and having a great time, when my son (with last year's April Fools fresh in mind) yells from the back seat - "OMG there's bug on your seat!"  

I may not have full blown entomophobia, but I scream like a school girl when I see bugs.  Yes, any bugs! Allowing the kids, against my better judgement, to eat in the car, I always bitch about the messes they make, and my standard statement is "This is like a feast for bugs, is that what you want? A bug infested car?" So of course there is no doubt in my mind, this actually happened, and I am envisioning bugs crawling out from every vent...eeewwww! With both of them yelling from the back seat, now informing me it crawled over the top of the seat, I am ready to jump out of a moving car.  I screamed, pulled the car in to the next side street and jumped out while yelling "where is it?  Did it get on me?" all while jumping up and down, brushing off my back and hair, and ready to tear off my shirt.  Then i hear the roaring laughter from the back seat...."April Fools!! Told you we'd get you back!"

They have no idea how close they got to be put up for adoption.....but oh, I will get them back!!  Muahahaha....

Employers Asking for Facebook Password from Potential Employees

What is happening in this country?  We went from adding employee rights, and increasing privacy laws, to now all of a sudden being faced with employers mingling not only in our sexual affairs by wanting to decide if our use of contraceptives are within their "moral standards", but potential employers also wanting full insight in our private lives by asking job seekers for their Facebook passwords?  Something is seriously wrong!

Photo by Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Since when did employers gain the right to know everything about us?  Since when did becoming an employee mean that our employers gained full insight in our private lives, our opinions, sense of humor, and our activities during non-working hours and weekends?  Enough already!

What's next?  They'll want our bank account log in to see how we manage our money?  Or our house keys, so they can go through our night stand?

I understand that social media has been a useful tool for employers in the hiring process.  But as more and more of us are using the privacy tools available, to avoid "outsiders" seeing what we post on our pages, our personal information and pictures, it does not open the door for potential employers to invade our privacy by asking for the log in information.  According to Huffington Post, Orin Kerr, a George Washington University professor of law, calls it “an egregious privacy violation” and compared it to asking for someone’s house keys. I couldn't agree more. You hire me to do a job. When I am there, you can tell me what to do and how to do it; but outside of work, the employer has a very limited say in how I lead my life!

Photo by Salvatore Vuono/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One thought that entered my mind, was that anyone who is willing to give up this information to a potential employer, does not value their privacy at all.  I would see it as a big negative, and would expect that employee to bring any and all issues from home to work; not exactly the perfect employee.  Also, if he/she was so easily convinced to give up his/her own password, how secure would any company passwords be after he/she was hired? 

If ever faced with this situation, I think my answer would be: "Certainly.  I understand you would like more information about me as a person to see that I am a good fit for this company.  Then you obviously understand that I too want to ensure that the people I will be working for, are decent, professional people. So as soon as you provide me the usernames and passwords for your and the other managers' accounts, I will be happy to provide you mine."

Considering your Facebook account requires a birth date, private email address etc. etc., even if it is not visible to friends, and many of us volunteer other information such as our religious and political beliefs. If one is not hired after providing the log in information, there is a perfect discrimination lawsuit, based on age, nationality, sexual preference, religious or political belief, or whatever you might find the reason to be.... after all, this is the land of the lawsuits!  Let the fun begin!